Last night I got a phone call from God. It sounded like a friend, but it was more than that. So much more.
Over the past week I have been grappling with feelings of shame, regret, and failure. These feelings belong to memories of poor parenting choices that raise their ugly head from time to time. And each time it feels harder and heavier to hold.
I prayed. It was one of those arrow prayers you shoot up in the middle of overwhelm, when you don’t quite know what to ask for. I don’t know what I asked for to be honest. I know I asked for help. But it felt to me that if I knew the question I would know the answer. I knew I needed the burden to be lifted, but I didn’t know how or if it could even happen.
And then a random phone call from a dear friend, who called because my name had popped up on her screen as a missed call. But I didn’t call her. In fact we haven’t connected in close to two years. Not on purpose. Life just gets in the way at times.
After catching me up on what was happening for her, she asked after our girls, and before I could respond she spoke. Words of acknowledgment. Words of encouragement. Words of wisdom…
And powerful powerful words of healing and blessing and peace.
She had no way of knowing what I had been grappling with over the past week. She still doesn’t. Yet every single word she spoke shot down every single accusation I held against myself and replaced them with a sense of peace.
Make no mistake. This wasn’t encouraging words from a friend. God knows I’ve received so many words of encouragement and wisdom. But those arrows weren’t sharp enough to pierce through my self imposed armour of shame. My friend was a mouthpiece, who thought she was returning a phone call. Instead she was delivering an important message when no one else could get through.
It was a powerful experience which reminded me of two important truths.
- Memories are not always completely accurate, in fact they’re most often clouded due to our own biases and beliefs. Balance is rarely found in retrospect. In the same way that we often look back and only remember the positive aspects of an experience, we are also in danger of overemphasising the negative. The version of the story we focus on becomes the version we remember most.
- We all have a blind spot. That part of ourselves which is clearly visible to others, but we don’t see it. Seemingly insignificant words and actions on our part can have a significant impact on others. I discovered that a simple invitation upon our first meeting had a lasting impact on my friend, even though to me it was a very small act. In the same way, her words had a signicant impact on me, in a way that she doesn’t quite understand.
This second truth served as a further reminder to Be Open. Open to be used for important work in the smallest of things. And open to seeing and hearing God in the smallest of things.
And a reminder that when I feel hopeless and overwhelmed, it’s because I’m not listening. Because God doesn’t speak in a voice of thunder. God speaks in the still, small, breeze; in the quiet whisper; in the calm after the storm.
About the Author
SARINA ELDER
Sarina is a Writer with a passion for Making A Difference (MAD).
As a first generation Australian who struggled with cultural identity as a child, Sarina understands the importance of Being, Belonging, and Becoming as a fundamental need in all of us, regardless of age.
As a misunderstood Creative, who was diagnosed with ADHD in her adult years, Sarina is particularly passionate about supporting others to identify and release their Creative, or the Creative in their children, and to embrace the Neurodiversity that accompanies Creativity.
Sarina believes the best way to embrace ourselves is through laughter, and is open to sharing her own stories with the hope of encouraging others.