The Value of Friendship

It was on my 50th birthday that the value of friendship was brought home to me. One of my friends had suggested that a weekend in wine country, complete with a full day food and wine tasting tour, would be the perfect way to celebrate my milestone birthday.

She knows me well 🙂

And what a weekend it was! It really was the best birthday gift. There were 13 of us in total, which meant we had the bus to ourselves. By the time the driver/tour guide arrived to pick us up, we were pumped and ready for fun, and she was worried about how rowdy we’d be by the end of the day.

And her worry was justified. We spent the day singing silly songs at the top of our lungs, telling even sillier jokes and laughing til our bellies ached. From the outside looking in it probably looked like we were all rolling drunk. Truth is, while we may have been on the ‘happy’ side, our revelries were fueled more by safety and comfort than they were by alcohol.

The rest of the weekend was much of the same, lots of laughter, a few tears and plenty of memory making.

What Makes A True Friend?

On the way home from that trip, exhausted yet content, I had plenty of time to think about the ideal friendship.  It occurred to me that it takes a great deal of trust to be your silliest around another person. Only when you feel completely safe and valued can you open yourself up to that level of vulnerability.

So I asked myself the question – What is it that goes into creating a long lasting friendship?

Is it the fun times that are shared? We’ve had plenty of those over the years. Picnics, dinner parties, concerts, impromptu gatherings and outings.

Is it the sharing of important life celebrations? Yes there’s been plenty of those as well. Graduations, new Careers, Engagements, Weddings, Babies, Birthdays.

It’s true that when we have an important event or milestone we want to share it with those we are closest to. But what is it that qualifies someone to earn inclusion into those special days?

It is often said that a real and true friend is someone who is there in bad times as well as good. Someone who doesn’t leave your side when you need them the most. I would agree, but after that weekend I realised there’s a bit more to it than that.

Vulnerability in Friendship

As I thought about each person who shared the weekend with me to celebrate my birthday, it occurred to me that as much as we have laughed together, we have all equally cried and grieved together.

I am so grateful for each of my friends who have been there during my tough times. For not judging me, supporting me, loving me and holding me up until I could stand alone. But I am even more grateful to those who allowed me to do the same for them. Those who trusted me enough to share their heart with me.

Being a friend to someone in need is easy. Allowing someone to be your friend when you are in need? That’s hard. It takes courage and a great deal of trust to completely show your heart to another.

It takes Vulnerability.

When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable during times of grieving and loss we are not only creating a space for others to walk alongside us and share the load, we are paving the way for the deepest connections of lifelong friendship. True friendship where we can be honest and real. It’s from this safe place that healing can begin and it’s to this safe place that we return when we need it most, whether it’s in good times or in bad.

A friend is a gift that you give to yourself.  

Yes, it’s incredibly scary to be so vulnerable, but when you find the courage to do so, you are truly giving yourself the best gift ever.